He tells me there's something about my eyes: the way they're so crisp and clear, so passionate when he gets me in the right mood- it intimidates him.

I am in love with him. I love how he holds my hand while we're driving in his car, and how he turns to look at me at every red light. I love how he holds me, and how he kisses me. I love how he is hardworking and reliable. Always on time. Never angry. Always forgiving. Never one to hold a grudge. I love how he wants to please me. I love how he is not intimidated by my sexuality. I love how he is happy just watching me. I love how he runs his hands through my hair. I love how he listens.

I'm at this point where everything seems so clear. I know exactly what I want, and I'm not afraid of anything anymore.

It's quite funny, in a tragic kind of way, that I have spent six years wondering if one man could ever love me- only to discover that he cannot even acknowledge me as a human being. And I've found that, it really doesn't matter how many men tell me I'm beautiful, because what I really want is to be loved for the good I do for others, and the work I produce. Nothing hurts more than knowing that the only man you've ever been in love with, the one you'd be willing to give yourself to completely, even to the point of compromising your own plans in order to be with him, will only ever view you as an object. A perfect object. As if anything external and one-dimensional, regardless of its perfection, could ever compensate for the lack of a soul.
But I do have a soul, and it, like all others, needs nurturing in order for me to maintain a healthy body and mind. I don't know much for certain, but one thing that I cannot question is the importance of human to human relationships. The truth is, there is nothing more divine, more revelationary, than disovering the humanity in another being- discovering their soul. I cannot possibly conceive of a love which would exist without this.
And so I wonder- will I ever know it with a man? Between a few, close friends I'm sure I've experienced it. But between myself and a man it has always been one-sided.
It's funny, I have so much time for love, and yet I still fear every day that I will never find it.

How many lines
of how many poems
have I erased?
Like bonds which are
betrayed at the hands of time,
and found years later on the
rocky shores of some dead-end thought.
A wise man spoke to me.
He said:
Don’t be fooled-
‘cause nobody wins,
and no matter where you end up
you always sacrifice something to get there.
Now how’s that for a thought?
And I returned to my Technicolor dreams,
but the stars above my gutter died that night.

Hello everyone!

I just want to encourage everyone who's ever taken a peek around my profile to go and visit my new site (the url is listed on my profile). I've got all of my TRUE art up on there, and I'd really appreciate some feedback. So if you're bored by now with my "scandalous" and ridiculously pretentious self-portraits (haha), then please allow me to offer you something which I hope you will find a great deal more illuminating.

I am NOT a model, and have no desire to be one. The photos I post on here are merely a reflection of my evident vanity. I'm a dedicated and passionate writer, and hopefully you will establish that for yourselves once you have read my work.

I look forward to your commentary and criticism.

Love,

Sophia <3